History of the Matchup
What's red and white, and will cut you to bits if you piss it off? Or even if you don't piss it off? God of War vs Pokemon!
On a small grassy field at the end of the world, a tall tree filled with golden apples gently sways in the wind. Far off in the sky, Helios and his flaming chariot shoot past in a blaze of glory, generating a wind that manages to reach the earth; though very tame, it still shakes an apple loose, which falls down and bounces off the tree’s roots, rolling into the grass. Hidden deep in the grass, a snake in the shadows flickers its tongue, while elsewhere in the field, a white beast purrs and extends its claws.
The apple lies silent, until a Seviper leaps out of the grass towards it, soon to be countered by a Zangoose, which leaps out and knocks the snake’s fangs back, intending on claiming the fruit as its own. The two glare at each other, growling fiercely, before the Seviper attacks again. Its strikes are fended off by the Zangoose’s sharp claws, and when the snake tries to quickly whip past its rival, Zangoose grabs it by the tail. With a toss, Zangoose hurls Seviper away, and runs after it, intent on cutting it to pieces.
Suddenly, a pair of orange blades on chains shoot out and swing, slicing the Seviper into three pieces. Zangoose stops in its tracks, shocked, as the bloodied mess that used to be Seviper falls to the ground, and Kratos walks out of the tall grass. He looks down at the pieces, and stomps on the snake’s head, reducing it to paste.
Kratos: Vile beast of the Gorgons.
Kratos then wipes his foot off and steps forward, seeing the glimmer of the golden apple in the grass, and the growling Zangoose in front of it.
Kratos: You are no minion of Zeus.
Kratos walks towards the apple, but the Zangoose suddenly leaps at him.
Both blades in hand, Kratos crosses them in front of his face and blocks the Pokemon’s attack. The Zangoose flips back and lands in front of the apple, before brandishing its claws again in a threat towards the God of War.
Kratos: You still cross me? Hmph!
HERE WE GO!!!
(Hoenn Legendary Battle Trio, 0:40-1:44)
Zangoose leaps at Kratos once more, attacking with Fury Swipes, but Kratos blocks every slash with his blades, before pushing Zangoose away. Kratos then proceeds to attack from range, slashing with his Blades of Exile fully extended. They ignite in flame before slashing downwards, and Zangoose evades every strike while they carve into the ground. The Pokemon then sharpens its claws and coats one with a sheen of metal, and the other one with a shadow-like murky substance. Zangoose then charges at Kratos, knocking the blade attacks away with its reinforced attacks, before managing to get a kick in at the Spartan’s chest.
Kratos does a backwards Somersault and gets back up, only to see Zangoose descending upon him against the sun, claws outstretched. Raising the Golden Fleece to defend himself, Kratos repels the attack and Zangoose does a backflip in the air, landing on its feet. Before it can let off another charge, Kratos rams into him, speed boosted by the Sandals of Hermes. Gripping Zangoose from the back of the neck, Kratos darts around the field, scraping the beast against the ground until he leaps up into the air with aid of the Wings of Icarus. Tossing Zangoose in front of him, Kratos slashes at the Pokemon with the Blades of Exile, scoring several hits before Zangoose manages to pull off a counter. Kratos’ attack is deflected aside, and the Pokemon sends the Spartan flying towards the ground, landing near him and scratching into his chest with Fury Swipes.
After scratching Kratos’ chest enough to draw blood, Zangoose picks him up and holds him by the waist, beginning to use Crush Claw to tear into Kratos’ sides. The God of War grits his teeth before looking up, and punching Zangoose in the face. Zangoose goes flying and lands next to the tree, then proceeds to barely fend off Kratos’ ranged attacks by knocking them out of the way with its claws. Trying to play smart, Zangoose baits Kratos into throwing his chains one more time, and then leaps up. The Blades of Exile imbed themselves in the tree, granting Zangoose a bridge to run across. As it runs across Kratos’ chains towards the man himself, Zangoose becomes surrounded by several glowing swords, increasing the length of its claws. Unfortunately, before it can make any cuts, Kratos headbutts the Zangoose into the ground as it reaches him.
The God of War retracts his blades and picks Zangoose up by the leg before throwing him further into the field. With the Bow of Apollo, Kratos fires several flaming arrows at Zangoose, and though most are reduced to splinters, Zangoose’ defense can’t hold up and a few strike it in the stomach. In retaliation, Zangoose waves a paw and creates a series of glowing green orbs it launches at Kratos; the Spartan deflects each Hidden Power with his chains before swinging his chains at Zangoose in a cross-formation. Zangoose also swings its claws with X-scissor, and the two cross attacks collide with a shower of sparks.
Kratos begins to swing his chains and Zangoose ducks and dodges accordingly, until a sudden whip from Kratos smashes Zangoose in the chin with one of his chains. Kratos jumps and rotates his body to the side, dropping himself to the ground, but in the process snagging and smacking Zangoose down with a heavy impact. Though Zangoose frees itself by using Dig to escape the chains, the damage is done, and it emerges from the ground visibly exhausted.
Kratos withdraws his blade and brings out his bow once again. Cocking it sideways, he loads five arrows into the drawstring, and fires, creating a firewall and clouding his position with smoke. Zangoose marches into the fire, sniffing the air, and then a glint goes off in one of its eyes: Detect. With lightning-quick reaction speed, it avoids Kratos leaping out of the flames and slashing with his blades; using the momentum from his dodge, Zangoose spins around and slashes Kratos across the face. Injured, but not flinching from the attack, Kratos slashes up close and begins a short but fast duel with Zangoose.
The cuts and slashes are exchanged rapidly, and blocked evenly, until Zangoose catches Kratos’ blades of Exile in its paws. Kratos merely spits in Zangoose’s face and begins to whip him around in a circle, spinning so fast the chains become an orange ring and the fire around them gets put out. Zangoose goes flying, but quickly recovers upon landing, and charges at Kratos once more. Blades and claws clash with sparks yet again, but this time, Kratos quickly gets Zangoose off of him with a Sparta-Kick. Zangoose rolls onto his feet while Kratos puts away his blades.
Kratos: I have had enough of you!
Kratos puts his fist up, and upon it dons one of the Nemean Cesti. With anger on his face, he strolls towards Zangoose, which growls loudly and runs towards the Spartan. Its fists glow a bright white while Kratos raises his arm, and throws a punch. The white fists of Zangoose connect with the lion’s head... and get deflected off of it. In slow motion, Zangoose throws dozens of punches with Close Combat, but they don’t manage to push back Kratos’ fist, which continues its advance until it smites Zangoose sqarely. Zangoose flies away while Kratos pulls out the Blade of Artemis. With a quick dart, he catches up with Zangoose and strikes him into the air.
Leaping up after Zangoose, Kratos slashes him in the air with the massive blade repeatedly, drawing several heavy cuts and spurts of blood from the Pokemon as it cries out. Finally, Kratos impales it through the abdomen, sticking the end of the blade out of Zangoose’s back, and raises it above his head before swinging it downwards.
The momentum carries Kratos down to the ground fast, with Zangoose still stuck on his blade. When the Spartan hits the ground, his blade also hits the ground in front of him, blasting Zangoose into a dozen pieces which fly across the field.
A wave of wind bends the grass radiating out from the impact, as the bits and pieces of a former Pokemon fall to the ground. Kratos stands up and puts the Blade of Artemis away, then walks towards the tree of Golden Apples.
Kratos: Hmph. A waste of my time!