Rick vs Jay


Rick and Morty VS Deep Space 69! Sci-fi badasses that traverse space for personal gain enter the arena today, but who will win, the smartest man in the galaxy or it's greatest lover?

The FightEdit

Warning, some sexual content

Somewhere in deep space...

"Rick, I-I don't think this is a good idea!" Morty Smith said as he and his grandfather Rick Sanchez walked across a warring alien planet.

"Look, all we're here for is those stupid crystals. You know what they *burp* do Morty? If you use them during sex they give women infinite orgasms Morty! Anyone who has them will be the universe's perfect lover Morty! I'm gonna sell them I'll be rich!" Rick said to his grandson.

"Uh ok Rick, lets just get them and go this place is horrifying! I think I saw a guy get like, 3 hearts ripped out his chest or something!" Morty said, stuttering the whole time.

Somewhere nearby

"Why are we here again?" a humanoid koala named Hamilton asked his friend.

"We're here to get the Sexy Crystals Hamilton. They give women infinite orgasms." the space captain Jay answered calmly.

"And it couldn't have waited until this war was over?" Hamilton asked annoyed.

"Sexy time is more important than war time Hamilton! This is basic logic." Jay said.

The duo eventually came across the crystals they were seeking. They were glowing bright pink. However, they discovered they were not the only duo there.

"Hey who the *burp* hell are you?" Rick asked, taking a swig from his flask.

"Name's Jay, greatest lover in the galaxy, and I'll be taking these crystals."

"Oh *burp* hell no! These are mine motherfucker!" Rick shouted.

"Rick maybe we should just, I don't know, share the crystals!" Morty shouted with a panicked look.

"The kid has a point, maybe we should share them Jay?" Hamilton said, also slightly panicking.

"Listen *burp* Morty, the thing about me is that I share nothing." Rick said while pulling out a laser pistol.

"I don't share anything Hamilton. Except for my penis when I have three ways." Jay said, causing Hamilton to face palm.

After Jay drew his own weapon, the two space travelers began to duel.

X Gon Give It To Ya

Here we go!Edit

Rick fired his weapon, but Jay dodged out of the way, firing his own gun as well. Both fighters ducked and dodged the others blasts until Rick got close enough to just punch Jay in the face. Jay kicked Rick in the shin and punched him in the stomach. Rick tackled Jay to the ground, straddling and punching him in the face several times.

Jay shoved Rick off of him.

"Only women can ride me like th-" Jay started to say before being cut off by Rick kicking him in the stomach.

"NEVER insui*burp*ate that I would EVER do that to you, you stupid son of a bitch!" Rick shouted, aiming his laser at Jay. Jay rolled out of the way, the laser barely missing his head.

Jay shot at Rick several more times, but Rick dodged out of the way.

"Ok this is clearly gonna go nowhere if we just use our guns so gimme a sec" Rick said, shooting a portal and then walking into it.

When he talked out, he dropped a bag full of inventions.

"Alright lets see what we *burp* got here." Rick said, ducking under a laser as he bent down to open the bag. He pulled out a small box with a button on top. He pressed the button, and a blue creature appeared.

"Hi I'm Mr. Meeseeks look at me!" Mr. Meeseeks shouted.

Rick pushed the button about 10 more times before telling them all to beat the shit out of Jay.

Jay shot at the Meeseeks' to no avail, all taking the shots like minor inconveniences. Each Meeseeks punched and kicked at Jay until he had a black eye and a bloody nose, along with his left hand being broken. Each of the Meeseeks vanished.

"Ow...ok...those crystals are still gonna be worth it." Jay said out of breath. He shot at Rick faster than the old man was expecting, causing him to get hit in the shoulder by the blast.

"Ah shit!" Rick exclaimed.

"Oh no Rick!" Morty shouted.

"I'm alright Morty, it's just my shoulder." Rick said, digging through his bag again. He pulled out a device that beamed a suit of mechanical armor onto him. He was wearing his combat suit now.

Jay took one look at the armor and decided this might not have been the best idea. Of course he didn't admit that.

"Hamilton, tag out!" he shouted, pushing the koala in front of him.

"What?!" Hamilton shouted, then turning to face Rick.


Rick punched Hamilton in the stomach, the co-captain crumpling to the ground.

"Hamilton, don't cry, you look ugly when you-whoa!" Jay said before a rocket shot past him at blinding speeds.

Rick flew towards Jay in the suit and punched him, knocking Jay to the ground. Jay quickly got up however, and managed to run back to his ship. He'd also gotten Hamilton aboard. He flew the ship upward, and began firing the ships weapons at Rick.

Morty screamed as lasers and rockets hit the ground around him.

"C'mon Morty we gotta get back to the ship!" Rick said, the duo running back to Rick's spaceship parked nearby.

They both got in, and Rick flew up.

Aerial Dogfight!Edit

Jay's Shipn vs Rick's Ship

The two ships fired several lasers at one another, the vehicles suffering damage from the hits.

Rick's ship fired off multiple rockets at Jay's causing massive damage to the dick shaped space vessel.

"Morty you know what we've gotta do?" Rick asked with a smirk on his face.

"Wh-what Rick?" Morty asked.

"We gotta shoot that giant dick in the giant ballsack Morty." Rick said, flying the ship around to Jay's thrusters.

Rick pressed a button, launching a giant missile into the back of the ship.

The ship crash landed into the warring aliens, killing pretty much all of them and severely injuring the ones that survived.

"Woo-hoo! Yeah motherfucker!" Rick shouted happily.

Rick and Morty collected the crystals and headed home.


Rick wins DBX

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